I Believe
by Sydney3
Summary: Niles sends Daphne a letter that changes her life.
1. Prologue

Author's Notes: It's been a while since I've posted a story. Writing is a daily thing for me, but it's taken what seems like forever to get this story where I like it. I'm almost embarrassed to say that the inspiration for this story comes from a Whitney Houston song but it was the words, not the voice that brought the story to life. And I've included them in the story at some point. Thanks to those that have helped me out, Elizabeth, Amy and Becky. You saw bits and pieces, this is the whole thing. I hope it is enjoyed by all.  
  
Feedback is much appreciated. It would be nice to know that you liked something I've spent so long working on.  
  
Disclaimers: I don't own a thing. The characters are Grub Streets and Paramount's. The lyrics to "I Believe" are property of whoever produces Whitney Houston's music, Arista I think and whatever movie studio produced the movie that it came from. Bottom line, it's not mine.  
  
Oh, one more thing. This is written from Daphne's perspective.  
  
  
  
  
  
I Believe  
  
By Sydney Long (SgtMickey@aol.com)  
  
  
  
Part One----Prologue  
  
As I lay curled up in the arms of my husband, watching his features light up with the moon as it creeps into our room, my thoughts drifted to the discovery our children had made earlier in the day. It was something that I had misplaced over the years yet never ceased thinking about. They found a letter hiding in one of my old romance novels, a love letter of sorts that my husband had written to me when he thought he had lost me forever. It's a letter that defines who we are as a couple, as parents, as individuals, as a man and a woman and as husband and wife.  
  
That letter changed my life. Well, finding out that he was in love with me changed my life, receiving the letter was the force that led me to grab a hold of that change and not let go. Niles Crane is the reason I believe in love. He has given me everything I had ever hoped a husband would give me. He gives me love, support, friendship and protection. He holds me when I need to be held, even if I don't ask him to. He makes sure I'm taken care of before he takes care of himself.  
  
What was once a private declaration of love had been shared amongst our children. When one of our kids comes across something from our past, it doesn't take long before all four of them know. And not long after that, they turn into their grandfather and start grilling us for answers.  
  
On more than one occasion our kids and their friends have told us that we're the coolest of all the parents. I'm always surprised as to how many people know about my life and my marriage when we arrive at parent's night or any school function. Our kids waste no time in telling their friends the latest gossip from the Crane household. There's no doubt in my mind that by the end of the week someone outside of the family is going to mention that letter.  
  
While I heard the reaction from our kids, I'm really anxious to hear what my husband has to say. He had yet to find out about the little discovery for he spent the evening with his brother at their silly wine club. After all of these years, I still can't believe the two of them are so passionate about liquid grapes.  
  
I suppose I can't complain as the years have turned him into a real family man. He gladly gives up his free time to attend any game, meet, match, play, conference or lesson the children have.  
  
One night he even mumbled something to me that still makes me laugh. We were going to have dinner with Frasier and his wife Allison. A night without the kids usually means a French restaurant with a name that I still can't pronounce, expensive champagne, cloth napkins and stylish china. I'll never forget what he said before we entered the restaurant, "What I wouldn't give for this to be Pizza Hut. I have a craving for those cinnamon bread sticks Avery always gets." I remember a time when Niles Crane didn't even know what a Pizza Hut was.  
  
That's one of the many things I love about him. Since we've been married, a different Niles has emerged. It's as if this is the Niles he always wanted to be, a husband, a father, a friend. Of course he still has many of the quirks I fell in love with and yet he's developed others that I love just as much. He's a bit messier now and by that I mean his side of the closet. It's not arranged according to color, designer, season or weather anymore. It's in the same state of chaos as my side.  
  
Our bathroom however is as clean as the maternity ward at the hospital. The kids have many laughs at our expense because of the bathroom. I've actually caught my husband arranging my make-up according to eyes, cheeks and lips. Needless to say that led to a stupid argument that attracted the attention of not only our children but also the mangy mutts we've acquired. If a stranger had walked in our house the yelling, laughing and barking would have sent them running in the other direction.  
  
One thing that hasn't changed is the passion Niles has for me. It's as fiery as the words he wrote in the letter. The things he whispers to me on our balcony over looking the ocean send chills running through me just like they did that day. We've spent many a moonlit night out there just loving each other. And if it weren't for that letter, that beautiful letter, I don't know where I would be today or even if I would be as happy as I am.  
  
I needed Niles to know that our past has been uncovered. I wanted to hear him say those words to me again. I know I've heard them over and over again since that day. But I never tire of hearing them. He offered to record them once, so that I could play them over and over again. He did that when there was some debate on whether or not he could stay with me while I was in the hospital recovering from the birth of our babies. It was a lovely offer but half of the beauty of those words is seeing his face while he says them. The way his eyes glisten and sparkle with each word always fill my heart with joy.  
  
I didn't want to wake him, but I just had to, if he's even asleep. He has a habit of pretending to be asleep but waits until I am before he actually nods off. But I just have to know how all of this makes him feel. Rather than jump up and down on him as our youngest likes to do, I have discovered that it's in my best interest to wake him up with a kiss or a light stroke on the cheek. Niles Crane may be passionate but he can be quite grumpy when he first wakes up.  
  
"Honey," I whispered tracing his jaw line with my fingers.  
  
"Hmm," he replied, now I know for a fact that he is not asleep. I think he's trying to avoid one of my stories.  
  
"Honey," I said again placing a small kiss on his forehead, "Wake up. Please."  
  
"Hmm," he mumbled again. Okay, I'm going to have to try a different approach. Maybe if I just come right out and ask him, it will stir some emotions in him, just like it did me.  
  
"Do you remember the letter you wrote me," I said watching his eyes slowly open in the darkness of our bedroom. The moon is casting a beautiful glow into our bedroom on this night. We have to doors to the balcony to let in the fresh night air.  
  
"Letter, what letter," he said.  
  
"THE letter," I said.  
  
"The letter," he said.  
  
"How could you forget about that," I said bopping him on the head with my pillow.  
  
"Oh the letter," he said, the light bulb finally clicking in his mind, "the one I wrote with the song lyrics?"  
  
"Yes," I said.  
  
"Of course I remember it," he said flipping on the light, "but why are you bringing that up now? You haven't mentioned it in years."  
  
"Your children found it today," I said propping myself up on my elbow.  
  
"Where," he asked stroking my cheek with his thumb.  
  
"In the library," I said.  
  
"The library," he questioned. Okay so maybe he was asleep; he's not comprehending a word of what I'm saying.  
  
"I slipped it in one of my books at some point in time," I said, "but over the years, I had forgotten which one."  
  
"And you hit me in the head with the pillow because I forgot," he mused.  
  
"No, you flat out forgot," I said, "I never did, I just couldn't remember where I put it. I have moved a couple of times since then. Besides, I know it by heart. I don't need to see it to know what it says."  
  
"What went through your mind when they told you," he asked. He always beats me to it; it's the curse of being married to a psychiatrist.  
  
"It brought back a lot of memories," I said, "some of the good, some of them bad, some of them painful and some of them so passionate I swear I thought we were going to burn the building down."  
  
"I wanted to tell you for so long," he said rolling on his back and looking at the ceiling. "When I think about how much time that was lost. God, honey, think of all of the years we could have had together."  
  
"Oh sweetie, I didn't mean to upset you," I said sensing his emotions building. I honestly didn't think this would upset him. I thought he would see it as I did, as one of the happiest and most important moments in my life. I should have known though. Whenever we talk about our past, Niles always gets a bit upset. I can't say that I blame him; he isn't always the only one either. Cowardice and blindness dictated our relationship at first. He being too afraid to tell me, me being too blind to see what was right in front of me.  
  
"It's okay," he said looking over at the window, probably counting the stars that were sprinkled across the night sky.  
  
"Niles, I wanted you to know that the kids found it," I said turning his face towards me. He tried to fight me. He didn't want me to see what I already knew would be in his eyes. The wondering of what would have or could have been had our love been realized sooner than it actually was.  
  
"Well I'm glad it was found," he said.  
  
"I know that the years we didn't have will always make us wonder," I said, "honey, if we had begun our life sooner, we might not have the wonderful children that we do. Things happen for a reason. You once told me that, remember?"  
  
"I know. It's just that some times it just hits me," he said, "how much more we could have had together had we been given those extra years."  
  
"Darling, I don't care about what we could have had," I said stroking his arm lightly. He loves that and for some reason it soothes him. I discovered that within days of our union. "I care about what we already have and what we will have. We have love, true love. We found it and it's so hard to find. I can't imagine our life being any different than it already is. And it's even better than I ever could have imagined."  
  
"Daphne," he said. No, I need him to understand that everything we went through happened for a reason. All of the heartache, the loneliness, everything happened because we believed in us.  
  
"No, Niles, receiving that letter changed my life," I said, "it made me see who I really am, who you really are and what we would be together. I can't even fathom what my life would be like had I not met you. Even before I got the letter, losing you was something that I thought about all the time. From the time that, that, oh damn, what's his name? Oh who cares what his name was but from the moment he proposed, all I could think about was how it would affect our relationship. Yours and mine. I needed that letter and as soon as I figure out which of the kids has it, I'm going to get it back."  
  
"I offered to record it," he said. There's my Niles coming back to me.  
  
"I told you, I want to see your face when you proclaim your love to me."  
  
"I wish I could have seen your face when you opened it," he said. He says that all the time. His one wish, if things had been done differently, would have been to see my face when I first opened the letter. With what's his name there, I had to conceal my initial emotions.  
  
"I saw your handwriting and I knew my world was about to change." 


	2. Part 2 Daydream Believer

PART 2---Daydream Believer  
  
  
  
It was just another ordinary day, or so I thought. I had been sitting at the table for quite some time, simply staring into my cup of tea completely oblivious to my surroundings. I find myself doing that a lot lately. I've never done that before, I mean why would a happily engaged woman be so quiet and so.so confused? Maybe it's because I now know something that I didn't for so many years. Or maybe I did and only recently did I accept my suspicions as reality, as the truth.  
  
Niles Crane. He's the reason I don't know which direction I'm pointed in. He's the reason I have started to question every decision I have made over the years. He's the reason I haven't had a decent night sleep in the last six months. He is the reason for.for.for everything.  
  
Rarely have I ever been so confused. I honestly did not know that such confusion could exist. The fact that I rarely see Niles anymore and the mere thought of him sends me into a deep and lonely confusion. It's almost as if I'm suffering from the plague because for the last few months, it only seems to be getting worse, never has there ever been a momentary remission from it. I long to see him but then get nervous and clammy when I do.  
  
Donny is here, yammering into the phone to one of his clients, as usual. We were supposed to be going over wedding arrangements. His work always comes first. I can't begin to count the number of appointments we've had to reschedule because a client needs him. At this rate, our wedding won't be for another two or three years. He'll probably have to pencil it in his date book.  
  
He's a divorce attorney, sometimes I wonder if he's even going to give himself fully to this relationship or any relationship for that matter. And other times I wonder if our marriage would even last because he makes his living busting up other people's marriages. I constantly wonder if there's a chance one day he'll be treating me like he treats his opponents in the courtroom. He can be so cruel to them and will walk out of the courtroom very proud of himself. That scares me. I know I don't want to live my life like that.  
  
To make things worse he's gotten on my nerves as of late. Little things about him are really starting to bug. He's so sloppy for one. Walking into his apartment is like walking into a shopping mall the day after Thanksgiving and everything is thrown about. And he doesn't care. I'm not the neatest person in the world myself, but I certainly wouldn't consider myself to be a slob. Just because I don't like a one hundred percent sterile environment does not make me a maniac. Tidy is the word I think best suits me.  
  
He drags me to all of these off the wall places, a monster car rally for instance. He had planned to go with Mr. Crane, the self-proclaimed father of the bride. At the last minute Mr. Crane came down with a rather nasty stomach virus and I had no choice go with him. I heard that Niles attended a play by himself that night. I would much rather have gone with him.  
  
And then there are the dinners with co-workers or clients. I'm miserable most of the time. I have no idea what any of this legal mumbo jumbo means and Donny doesn't even take the time to explain it to me. "I'll tell ya later, honey," he says repeatedly and then never does. I've learned a great deal about the world of psychiatry thanks to Dr. Crane and Niles. They always spell things out for me. I never have to ask.  
  
Donny doesn't always listen to me and I question how much he really knows about me after all this time. The little things about me such as my favorite book or my favorite movie, he doesn't know. Niles on the other hand, on more the one occasion knows something that I mentioned in passing years ago. If he brought it up, I'm thrilled that he remembered or even listened to me. "I care about you, Daphne. You're my best friend. Don't you think if we're best friends, we should know things like that?" He once told me. I knew from that moment that I could share anything and everything with Niles.  
  
The worst thing of all, when I'm with Donny, I end up imagining what it would be like if I was sharing the moment with Niles. Things would be so different; they were wonderful when we just did things as friends. We are always ourselves. I've never put on a show for him and the Niles I know is so different from the Niles the rest of the world sees. Things are, well they're just wonderful. If our relationship was different, romantic perhaps, I think they would be even better.  
  
In a way, I started all of this mess. I said yes to a man because I thought he was my last chance at marriage and a family. He promised me the stars and yet I knew he could never give them to me. For the first time, I went against my visions. They have never steered me wrong before. A vision brought me to Seattle. A vision told me my life would be completed here. A vision told me I would find a man who would make my dreams come true.  
  
Donny wasn't in my visions. He just happened to cross my path. I would never have even met him if it weren't for Niles' need for an attorney. At first I enjoyed his company. Yes his height bugged me a bit. I've had to bend down to kiss men before, but never this much. There was always a little voice in my head that kept telling me this was wrong. That being in a relationship with him was wrong. That giving up on my dream of finding my soul mate, my equal was wrong.  
  
I should have followed my instinct. I should have listened to my heart instead of my head. My heart kept telling me not to give up. Someone else more than deserves to hold the key to it and he's the man I should pledge my life to. I don't know if I have ever completely given Donny my heart. I gave him my hand. That's just an appendage, if I lose it I'll continue to live but if I lose my heart.I lose everything.  
  
One's heart should beat for only one person, I'm not sure if mine beats for Donny. Not in the way it should at least. It sort of beats with an unexplainable irregularity. The murmur has only gotten worse since Christmas. At first I tried to ignore it, but as time wore on, I began to hear it ringing in my ears. It's annoying much like the ticking of a clock. There are times when it ticks really loud and there are times when you can barely hear it.  
  
Lying in bed at night is the worst. On the nights that I share a bed with Donny, it tends to beat the loudest. I look over at him and wish I were alone. The beating of my heart keeps me awake at night. Believe me, an irregular heartbeat is not something you want to hear. It's sort of an annoying reminder that there's something wrong with you. No doctor would be able to diagnose me though. There's nothing medically wrong with me. I'm lovesick, heartsick and soul sick if it's possible to be all of those at the same time. I take that back, there is one doctor who could diagnose me. I know he probably has the perfect prescription to cure me too.  
  
And on more than one occasion, I couldn't believe I was exploring a new relationship just as Niles was released from a hellish one. And with his divorce attorney to boot. That had to have been horrible for him. I remember the first time Niles saw the two of us together. I could tell he was crushed. I saw it in his eyes. And I know that he desperately tried to cover it up. What I wouldn't give for his eyes to light up again like they used to.  
  
For a brief moment, I thought that there might be a bit of truth behind the accusations brought forth by Niles' ex-wife. The Snow Ball was a wonderful night. I'd be lying if I said I didn't love being in his arms as he whisked me round and round the dance floor. I secretly was jealous of the woman who would be lucky enough to tango with him until death parts them. For years I kept my desire to have one more dance with him to myself. Sometimes I would even close my eyes and pretend I was back in his arms twirling together as if we were put on this planet for that very purpose.  
  
And then there's all of this wedding business. I'm not getting anywhere with these plans. Donny has been absolutely no help whatsoever. I'm planning what is supposed to be the happiest moment of my life, by myself. It's so frustrating. Dr. and Mr. Crane are no help, they won't admit it but they don't want me to leave. I can't say that I blame them. I haven't really admitted to myself that my leaving is rapidly approaching.  
  
I have a beautiful wedding dress hanging in my closet. I haven't shown it to anyone. It's just hanging there, lifeless in the garment bag. When I saw it, I just had to have it. It's not at all what Donny would have wanted me to wear. It's my ideal dress, free of ruffles and lace. It's not frilly by any means. It's simple, it's elegant, it's me.  
  
I remember one day while I had been showing all of my ideas to Roz. And I was so excited to show them to someone. Dr and Mr. Crane didn't really care and Niles rarely came by anymore. All of the things that I have picked out are various shades of blue.  
  
"Daphne, what's up with all the blue," She asked.  
  
I was a bit taken back because instinctively I had picked the color, not stopping to think of what it would represent. And truth be told, I always hated the color blue. Until about seven years ago. Suddenly it became a color I couldn't stop thinking of, and for the life of me, I couldn't figure out why. Then something was brought to my attention and I realized where I had seen the color before. I saw it the first time I met him and I've seen it every time he smiles at me. When I see the color I think of his eyes.  
  
There was a time, before I even found out about all of this that I once asked his opinion. It had been one of the rare occasions that he came by the apartment. I was thrilled to see him and yet disappointed when I learned he only came by to pick up his brother. As we waited for Dr. Crane to finish primping, I asked what he thought of my ideas. Lord knows Donny hasn't been much help and I needed a man's opinion.  
  
"If we were getting married," I had said hypothetically, "Would you want things like this?" He looked at me with this tiny sparkle in his eyes and just as he opened his mouth, his brother walked in and practically dragged him out the door. I flopped back against the cushions out of frustration but quickly sat back up as he poked his head back into the apartment.  
  
"Daphne, if we were getting married, I would want what you want. Our wedding would be your day, whether it be simple or extravagant because the only thing that would matter to me is standing next to you becoming your husband."  
  
It made me smile. He always knew the right thing to say to me. The best part was the fact that I knew he was telling the truth. Donny never said anything like that to me. His proposal was probably the most beautiful thing he has ever said to me. He tries. I'll give him credit for that. In the end, he thinks his words are poetry. To him they may be, but to me, well, they aren't. They're just words. In the right time, place and with the right people, poetic they might be. I just know that's not what they are now.  
  
Some of the things that he says, he thinks they are original. I swear I've heard them some where before. It's as if he's scraping to find words that exaggerate what he is thinking. They sound just like it too. To say they sound forced is a bit harsh, but that's the best word I have been able to come up with.  
  
I could write a novel based on the wonderful things Niles has said to me. But yet, why would he say something like that? "Becoming your husband is all that matters." He said it with such conviction; it was as if he had always wanted me to ask him that question. Knowing him the way I do, I knew that he was holding something back. I just couldn't put my finger on it. Now I know. He loves me. He loves me like a man is supposed to love a woman, with ever fiber in his being. 


	3. Part 3 Words of Love

Dr. Crane walking in the door startled me out of my confusion. He always has to make an entrance. "Mail call," he said walking over to me, "Daphne, this one's for you."  
  
"Thanks," I said. "I wonder who it could be from."  
  
I looked at the envelope, it was post marked Seattle, but had no return address. Curiosity got the best of me and I ripped right into the envelope. I pulled out two pieces of expertly folded paper. I recognized the handwriting instantly when I lifted the first fold in the paper. As I began to read the letter, Donny rested his chin on my shoulder, trying to read it with me.  
  
"Excuse me," I said sharply, "does this have your name on it?"  
  
"No, I." he said lifting his chin from my shoulder.  
  
"I didn't think so," I said pushing him back.  
  
"Honey," he said.  
  
"Whoever wrote this, wrote this for me," I said, "I'm sure that they didn't write it thinking that you would read it too. This is for me. I wouldn't read a letter over your shoulder if my name wasn't on it."  
  
"Okay," he said hurt that I had pushed him away. I honestly did not care.  
  
I then focused my attention back on the letter in my hands. As I read the words, I could almost hear his voice saying them to me, whispering them in my ear. I shuttered.  
  
** Dear Daphne:  
  
I never believed in miracles or love for that matter until I met you. I remember seeing your beautiful face for the first time and feeling the wind slowly being knocked out of me. Standing right in front of me was everything I ever wanted in life.  
  
I know that hearing me say that might sound a bit strange to you, but so help me it's the truth. Your eyes, I saw them smiling at me and I just knew. I knew from that very moment that I wanted to share my life with you. I knew at that moment love isn't at all what I thought it was.  
  
I heard a song today. I just couldn't get it out of my mind and given the circumstances I tried. But the more I thought of it, the more I believed the words to be true and instead of hearing them, I wanted to read them. I took it upon myself to do a bit of research in between patients today. Once I had found it, I couldn't think about anything else for the rest of the day. In my hands I held the words, my feelings were on a piece of paper staring up at me. And that's when I decided to write this letter.  
  
The lyrics are everything I have felt from the moment I met you. It's funny; I never listened to that radio station until you told me that you sometimes switch to that when Frasier's show gets to be too much. Today, I'm glad I turned it on. Now I've never heard of the person who sings it nor the movie that it's from but that does not matter. It's the words. They say everything that I have wanted to you for so long.  
  
I Believe in You and Me I believe that we will be  
  
In love eternally  
  
Well as far as I can see You will always be the one For me  
  
I've always thought that about us. For in my dreams we were always together. A part of me will always truly believe that we would have a wonderful life together. I believed that deep down in your heart, under several layers of insecurity and fear (much like mine), that part of you loved me. As long as I live, I'll believe that we were meant to be in love. Meeting each other happened for a reason, I realized that instantly. No one told me to fall in love with you, it just happened. And no one, I mean that from the bottom of my heart, will ever be able to fill the place that you occupy in my soul. You will always be the one.  
  
And I believe in dreams again I believe that love will never end And like the river finds the sea I was lost, now I'm free Because I believe in you and me.  
  
From the time I was a child, I had one dream in life, to find someone who loved me as much as I loved her. I thought I found that, but until I met you, I had no idea that I gave up on that dream too soon. I will love you forever, for loving you gives my life meaning, even if I can't experience it with you. Until I met you, I was lost, searching answers that I could never seem to find and then there you were. Suddenly I had all of the answers.  
  
I will never leave your side I will never hurt your pride When all the chips are down Then I will always be around  
  
Just to be right where you are  
  
My love, you know I love you  
  
From the day I met you, I have always put your feelings and your happiness before mine. That explains so many circumstances in which I had the opportunity to tell you my feelings but decided against it. And I'm always there for you whenever you need someone to talk to and you know I would support you in anything that you do, especially if it determined your happiness. I'll tell you though, some times it's beyond difficult to hide my true feelings about things that concern you. Walking away from the situation has always been my escape, albeit a bad one. Part of me always hoped you would notice that I was hurting, but you never did. Just being near you often made up for the hurt. My love for you often heals any wound that appears on my heart because I know that no one can take away my feelings. They are a part of who I am now and they always will be.  
  
I will never leave you out  
  
I will always let you in  
  
To places no one's ever been Deep inside, can't you see? That I believe in you and me.  
  
Wherever we'd go, whatever we'd do, I would want you by my side. You make me a better person for you bring out the best in me. I would never hide anything from you. There are already so many parts of who I am that only you have seen. I don't have to pretend with you. For years, the real me has been fighting a never-ending battle to be seen. Never have I been so comfortable with someone to let them past the wall that has been building up around me. Never have I trusted someone so much. Deep inside I know, well I hope I know that you are aware of my feelings and maybe share them.  
  
Maybe I'm a fool  
  
To feel the way I do  
  
I will play the fool forever  
  
Just to be with you forever  
  
Maybe I am a fool to have fallen in love with you at first sight. But I still ask the question how could I not? You are the most beautiful person I have ever met, on the inside as well as the out. You radiate warmth, curiosity.so many things. I love all of the things that make you who you are. I would never change a thing about you because you would no longer be the person I fell in love with. I will always play the fool because the only thing I've ever wanted is to be with you forever.  
  
I believe in miracles And love is a miracle  
  
You're my dream come true  
  
I was lost, now I'm free Because I believe in you and me  
  
I never believed in miracles until I met you. And the love that I feel for you is a miracle in itself because never before have I put everything that I am into something. Something that I want more than anything in the world but know that it will never be. I will live my life believing in us and what we could be together. And I will thank god every night for having you in my life. I would never hurt you and would do anything to make you happy, to see you smile.  
  
I know that you have chosen to spend your life with another. I never stopped you, I never asked you to give me a chance and I have to live with that. But nothing could ever make me stop loving you. I'm lost without my love for you. It's all I know. But I wanted you to know that no matter what happens, I believe in you and me. And together in my dreams is where we will always be.  
  
I'll love you for all of time, Niles  
  
I put the letter down but never released it from my fingers. I looked up and into the eyes of Dr. and Mr. Crane. Their confusion matched mine. The only difference is the fact that my eyes are slowly filling with tears. The beauty of the words before me took my breath away. The selflessness and the love that this man has.for me.  
  
"Honey," Donny said again. God, I wish he would stop calling me that. It's just not right.  
  
"Donny, please," I said dismissing him with a wave.  
  
"Daphne," Dr. Crane said coming over to me.. "Are you all right?"  
  
Leave it to Dr. Crane to get the answers out of me. I knew it wouldn't take him long to realize what was happening. Unlike Donny, I knew that he was genuinely concerned. He has spent a lot more time with me and knows me far better than Donny ever could.  
  
"I'm fine," I said while reading the letter again. I let each word sink into my heart and mind.  
  
"Is there anything you need," he asked. Dear Dr. Crane, he has no idea who this letter was from, although I suspect he's slowly catching on and he was trying to make me feel better.  
  
"Yes," I said standing up, "I need some fresh air. I think I'll go for a walk."  
  
"I'll go with you," Donny said noticing that it was taking me a few seconds to find my footing.  
  
"No, I'm fine," I said regaining my balance.  
  
"Daphne, something has obviously upset you," he said.  
  
"I'm not upset," I said, "I just need some time alone."  
  
"But honey," he said.  
  
"Would you stop calling me that," I exploded, "please Donny. Just leave me alone."  
  
I brushed past him and flew out the door, the letter still tightly in my grasp. 


	4. Part 4 Visions of Truth

Part 4---Visions of Truth  
  
The elevator seemed to be taking its sweet time reaching the lobby. Why is it that when I needed to make a quick getaway, my only means of reaching the outside world is moving like a sloth? I would have taken the stairs if they weren't closed for the afternoon for maintenance purposes.  
  
I just want this elevator ride to be over. I want to be away from all that I left behind upstairs. The doors finally did open and I found myself thanking god the lobby was empty. I could handle strangers being in here, but I really don't want to run into with the name Crane or even Doyle. I practically sprinted through the lobby nearly knocking that dear old woman on 17 flat on her face. When I reached the sidewalk just outside our building, I looked both ways. I have no idea where to go, only that I need to.  
  
I just need to find someplace where I can sit and think. I'm dying to read that letter again. It was all that I could to hold back the tears when I read it the first time. And with Donny there, lurking over my shoulder, made it even harder. Everything I had ever wanted to hear from a man had just been expressed and it wasn't the man I said I would marry saying them. It was the man that always supported me when I needed it, even if he didn't agree with my decision; it was the man that I could always turn to, my best friend.  
  
From the beginning, the letter had said. From the moment we met. It only took a moment for him to know that he would love me forever. Why hadn't I seen it? It was there in front of me. Everyday, only an arm's reach away. And there were times it was less than an arm reach. Whenever I hugged him, all I had to do was turn my face a certain way and our lips would have touched. I think now, I'm wishing they had.  
  
Oh I just don't understand why I'm feeling this way. Why is this happening now? I had given up on the search for eternal love when I met Donny. I didn't think I would ever find it, but now I know I never had to look far at all. It may seem like it only because I never looked past the surface but it was always in reach. Why is it that I was so oblivious to the most obvious person?  
  
I finally found a bench near Elliot Bay and began to read the letter again. It is so passionate it wouldn't take much for it to set itself on fire. I've always thought that is what love was supposed to be like. So passionate it makes your whole body tingle. This letter, my hands are shaking as I read it, does that to me.  
  
I could almost hear Niles saying these things to me while I was in the apartment, the background noise, namely Donny, almost drowned them out. But now, now that I'm by myself I can hear these words come alive with the sound of his voice. I could hear him choke up as he expressed his love for me. I wish he were here now.  
  
I find myself choking up as I read these beautiful words. He loves me. He loves me for who I am and for what I give to his life. He said that I give his life meaning, I'm the answer to all the questions he's ever asked himself, and I bring out the best in him.  
  
It's funny how it just suddenly dawned on me that Niles Crane brings out the best in me. I feel so alive when I'm with him. I don't feel the need to be anything but myself when I'm with him. He brings out unbelievable amounts of honesty in me. I don't have to hide anything because I have always felt that he has liked me for me. He values my opinion and asks me for almost as much as I ask him for his. It's so easy to tell Donny what he wants to hear even if I'm screaming the opposite on the inside.  
  
Niles is always such a gentleman. Helping me off with my coat, opening doors, attempting to do things we both know he can't just so I won't have to. He always has one eye on me, making sure I'm okay. He comforts me when I need him to and even when I don't need him to. It's as if he knows. He just knows, likes it's a seventh sense for him. Any woman would be lucky to have him. He doesn't want just any woman though. He wants me.  
  
Of all of the women in the world, Niles Crane chose me. He fell in love with me. He is in love with me. He wants to share his life with me and only me. He's the happiest when he's with me. I overheard Mr. Crane say that to someone a long time ago. He also said "All Niles' needs is Daphne. That's all." I didn't know then that he was in love with me so at the time, I really didn't make anything of it. I was just glad that I could help make his day a little brighter after all he had been going through.  
  
In a way, I'm glad I didn't know how he felt about me back then. I probably would have only hurt him worse because I don't know if I would have been willing to accept his love or even.want it. Thinking back, I don't think I would have let him love me. Flattered, but not willing. He isn't the type of guy I would normally go for. Telling him that all those years ago would have destroyed him. Now it's a different story and I don't want to hurt him anymore. Although I don't know how I could possibly hurt him any more than I did the day I asked him for advice and then accepted Donny's proposal.  
  
God, I did that right in front of him. He sat there, loving me so much, wanting to be with me more than anything in the world, and watched me say yes to a little man whose pleasure in life is making other people suffer so that his client comes out on top. What he did for Niles though is something I will be forever grateful for. He helped give Niles part of his life back and not a week later, I took it away.  
  
I went to Niles for advice. "What should I do?" I asked him. Finding the courage to say the things he did must have left him weak and exhausted. It took everything that he is to let me go. I looked deep into his eyes just before I left his office. He looked lost. He looked as though someone had taken the one thing he needed to stay alive away from him.  
  
When I approached him the kitchen shortly after accepting Donny's proposal, I looked into his eyes again. I didn't see the Niles I had come to adore. I saw emptiness, darkness and tears threatening to fall. He fought them, put on a brave face. I played it off as shock. When I left his office, I had no idea whether or not I was going to accept the proposal. Niles had given me something to think about. I never expected him to react like that. I thought he would be happy for me. But how can someone be happy for someone else when that someone wants more than anything in the world to be the person to make that someone else happy?  
  
Niles fought so hard so that he could be free to love me. He didn't want anything to get in the way of that. He wanted to get past the obstacle and used his love for me as the force to get him through it all. For him, everything he was going through would be worth it just for the chance to hold me in his arms. He put up with all of the threats, ignored all of the rumors, and temporarily gave up everything he has for one chance to love me.  
  
He was given his life back. He was free to start over. He had a second chance to live the life he always wanted to live. It wasn't until I came into his life that he realized he had made some serious mistakes. It wasn't until I learned of his love that I realized I had also made some serious mistakes. For the longest time I didn't know how to fix them. I beginning to think I can now.  
  
I can't help but think that all of the times I sought his guidance might have been a subconscious way of gauging his reaction. Maybe if I had done something totally out of character, his true feelings for me would emerge. Had I been open to a relationship with from the beginning, I think I could have saved us both a lot of time and a lot of heartache.  
  
My surroundings are pulling me away from my thoughts. I think maybe the park along the bay was not the best place to seek isolation. I'm surrounded by families flying kites, walking dogs and a young couple just passed me with a young baby in a stroller. It made me smile. I long to have a family of my own to do that with. My only problem is I've never been able to picture the father of my children.  
  
This letter that I'm clenching in my hands was written by a man who wants to be the father of my children. He knows how much I want to be a mother; I've told him a thousand times. I've actually had several long talks about the subject with him. To this day I think I'm the only person who knows that he wants children too. "I just need to find." You know, he never finished that sentence. I can answer it for him now. The answer is me.  
  
The tears are welling up in my eyes and when I closed them to blink the tears away, things just started to flash before me. Visions. Visions of the way things are supposed to be. And rather than shake them from my mind, I want to see where they go, what they are about.  
  
I find myself on a beach. I'm standing alone and yet there are children all around me. Four of them, three girls and a boy. They're throwing what looks like a Frisbee with two large dogs at their heels. Suddenly a man appears and the children knock him to the ground. Their laughter fills my heart. This is my family. My children, my husband, and the staple of every family, a couple of mangy mutts. The man suddenly breaks free of the pile up and I see him turn towards me. He's tall, which immediately tells me that Donny is not a part of my future. The glare of the sun off of the water is very bright making the details of his face hard to make out. But I knew who it was. My heart is telling me. It's him.  
  
Suddenly I find myself in his arms and he's kissing me. It's wonderful, I can almost feel his lips on mine. He kissed me once before. I'd be lying if I said I didn't wonder what it would be like if it had been a bit deeper and a bit more passionate. I would love to feel his lips on mine again. The next thing I know, our surroundings were swirling around us and yet we're still kissing. When we break apart, I find the same man only he's aged just a bit. He turns and the children that were once tossing a Frisbee with the dogs were now grown. My husband is now chasing a younger generation of children, our grandchildren.  
  
My heart is racing and I'm struggling to keep up with it. It just hit me. All of the visions I've had in the past, when I couldn't see his face. It's always been Niles. The whole dragon thing is unexplainable right now. But I know it's him. The red bowtie. Well that can represent so many things. My dress at the Snow Ball was red. But it's him.  
  
The best thing is, it doesn't sound strange to say that Niles Crane is the man I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with. It sounds right. It sounds perfect. It sounds like I should have realized that a long time ago.  
  
How could I spend the rest of my life without him? He is the best friend anyone could ask for. I need him in my life, but after all of this, I don't think we can be just friends anymore. I know we can't just be friends anymore. But we've always had something more than friendship.  
  
I don't want him just as a friend. Not anymore. I want him.as.as my husband. It's the only way for us. It's everything or nothing. I would much rather it be everything than nothing. I couldn't handle nothing. He can't handle nothing. I see that now. I've been watching him try to cope with nothing and it's tearing him up on the inside. It's starting to get to me too.  
  
Taking a deep breath, I close my eyes again. Another vision is appearing. I can hear music playing, a piano. I'm walking through this beautiful house trying to find the source of the music. Wandering through the house, there are accents of myself in each room. I finally reach the room from which the music is playing and I stop. I recognize the song immediately, a little ditty that Niles and I sang together one night.  
  
Walking into the room, I can't immediately see the person playing as it's a grand piano with the hood propped up. I walked up to the side of the piano and find a little girl about eight or so expertly tapping the ivory keys. She looks up at me and says "Hi Mom. Daddy gave me this new sheet music. Do you like it?" Her eyes are the first things that I see when I look at her face. They're blue, blue like the sea, blue like her daddy's.  
  
And that's all I needed to see. My daughter's blue eyes. They're worth giving up everything I have at this moment with Donny and embracing what I can have with Niles. That is if he'll have me. I've got a feeling that it's going to take some time to make things right but I'm going to try. Niles is worth it. Experiencing our love is worth it.  
  
I'm going to sit here and pull myself together for a few minutes before I set off on my mission. No, no I'm not. I'm going to get up from this bench and run. I'm going to run right into the arms of the man I love. I love this man like a woman should love a man. I love him with all of my heart. I, Daphne Moon, love Niles Crane. 


	5. Part 5 Those Three Special Words

PART 5---Those Three Special Words, Out in the Open  
  
It was several hours later when I finally arrived back at the apartment. I'm determined to find that song and listen to it. I know hearing it will give me the strength I needed to do what needed to be done.  
  
Breaking up with Donny is going to be hard, but bottling up my feelings for Niles and attempt to stick it out with Donny would be even harder. Pretending that none of this ever happened is much easier said than done. My heart hasn't been in my relationship with Donny for such a long time. Probably since before he even proposed to me. If it had been there, then maybe I wouldn't have been so nervous and unsure of accepting it.  
  
When I think back to the day I accepted Donny's proposal, I realize that I should have looked deeper into Niles' eyes when I asked for his advice. He struggled to guide me. It had to have been so difficult for him that day. How do you tell the woman you adore, the woman you dream of sharing your life with, to go and marry someone else? How do you let her go? How can you?  
  
I've learned a lot in the last few months. Without actually having him with me, Niles has taught me the true meaning of love. On the rare occasions that I get to see him, I find myself studying his features and looking at him in wonder. What makes him love me so much? And what did I do to deserve his love? I don't have an answer to either question right now. But I will.  
  
What I really want, more than anything is to hear Niles tell me he loves me. I want him to tell me to my face. I want to see his eyes as he tells me. He communicates so much through his eyes. I want to see love in his eyes. I'm tempted to just go to him first and deal with Donny later. I've already caused Niles so much pain, it's about time I did something to heal him. I don't know how long that will take, but telling him I love him is a beginning.  
  
The elevator crawled to the 19th floor just as slowly as it descended to the lobby. Thank god it opens up right in front of the apartment, that way I can quickly dart across the hall and make a mad dash to my room.  
  
I could hear voices from inside as I inserted the key into the lock. I walked in to find a room full of people, only a handful that I recognized. No doubt a search party was about to be unleashed on the streets of Seattle. Donny's doing no doubt. God forbid I have a few hours to myself. I shouldn't have to ask anyone's permission to be alone to collect my thoughts. And I don't want someone who's going to make sure he knows where I am at all times.  
  
I know that Niles will respect enough to give me my privacy if I ever need it. Of course he would be concerned, he always is when it comes to my well being. I simply can't imagine not sharing anything with him though. He's the one I always turn to, the only one I ever want to turn to. He knows exactly what I need, even when I don't. I need him. I wonder if he knows that. He will as soon as I get the chance to tell him.  
  
"Daphne, thank god." I heard Donny say, but I didn't look at him. The instant I walked in the door, a warm presence washed over me. A familiar scent in a room full of people made its way toward me. They both belonged to someone and I looked straight ahead at the man next to the bar. Niles. He's here.  
  
"Daphne, are you all right," Dr. Crane asked me. I smiled at him slightly and momentarily rested my hand on his arm just to let him know that I was okay. I'm certain his eyes followed mine to Niles. Dr. Crane's hand rested on mind for a brief moment. He had to know at least a little something.  
  
"Daphne," I know my name Donny I thought to myself, "Where have you been? I've been worried sick."  
  
I pushed right past him and headed for Niles. Seeing him, I suddenly knew this was the moment. It's not the best of circumstances or even the right place but it's now or never. I'm going to tell him. Forget seeking him out. In a way, I think he sought me out. Oh that doesn't matter. I'm going to tell him, here and now. I can't wait anymore, I don't want to. I'm already making myself sick over this. This is my opportunity and I'm going to seize it.  
  
He looked up at me with a glass of sherry in his hand. He had relief in his eyes but also a great deal of concern. I looked down at my hand and the papers that contained the words he had written. His eyes followed mine and I heard him take a breath. Our eyes met once again, I could feel the tears beginning to form.  
  
I walked over to just past the dining table, stopping just before the two steps leading up to the bar and piano. God, he is so beautiful. He's always dressed to the nines, trying to impress no one and everyone at the same time. And he has a beautiful, selfless soul. I'm so lucky that it's mated to mine.  
  
"Hi," I said. It was the only thing I could manage to get out. My mind and my heart are both screaming "I love you Niles." But hi was the only thing that managed to escape my lips.  
  
"Hi." His eyes searched mine for answers. Of course they were, he has no idea what's really going on. I'm pretty sure he knows that I'm holding his emotional testament in my hand but after that, I'm certain he's clueless and yet ever so quietly, he asked "Are you all right? Running off like that scared quite a few people."  
  
I opened my mouth to say something several times. I just can't figure out the right way to say this. His eyes are trying to encourage me. I love that. We've always been able to communicate like that. Knowing glances and such. Only now, every time I look into his eyes, I drown. It's a sea of blue that I've thrown myself into hoping that my drowning would indeed occur.  
  
Standing here, opening and closing my mouth isn't getting us anywhere. There are so many things I want to say. I just don't know where to begin. The mumbling of everyone in the living room isn't helping either. It's actually rather irritating. The single most important moment in my life is about to take place. I just wish everything would disappear and it would be just Niles and me.  
  
I glanced down for just a moment. An attempt at a quick internal pep talk, I suppose. But I can't keep my eyes off of him. As I raise my eyes to meet his, the most amazing thing is beginning to happen. All of the background noise is suddenly gone. All of the objects in Dr. Crane's apartment are gone too. It's an empty room with its only occupants being Niles and myself. A soft light is beginning to surround him, much like the visions I had of him just hours earlier.  
  
After several seconds that seemed like an eternity, I suddenly couldn't take it any more. I couldn't find the words. I'm hoping my actions make up for the lack of them. I walked right up to him and whispered something only he could hear.  
  
"I love you too."  
  
And then I kissed him.  
  
I kissed him silly.  
  
It only took an instant before I was lost in this kiss and in his arms, but in that instant, I heard a glass of sherry shatter on the floor and felt the sherry itself splatter on my foot, I heard the gasps from several people in the room, I heard Mr. Crane's 'all right!' and then the smack on the arm from Dr. Crane, I heard Roz's silent but sincere 'oh my god' and Donny's 'Daphne what are you doing?' And then I heard the most important thing, two hearts beating as one.  
  
It took Niles the same instant to overcome the shock of my aggressiveness and I slowly felt him wrap his arms around me. I immediately deepened the kiss when I realized he isn't going to push me away or even worse, pass out. At some point I even managed to take my engagement ring off of my finger and toss it behind me. I heard it hit the floor with a hollow clink. Once my finger was free of its bind, I began to run my fingers through his hair as we kissed.  
  
I can't seem to bring myself to stop kissing him. If it's possible to make love with solely your lips, then that's what we're doing. My lips are caressing his and his are doing the exact same thing to mine. It's wonderful. I know that I wanted to spend the rest of my life in his arms, kissing him like this. I love this man and he's my dream come true. If not for the need to breath, I would have kissed him forever.  
  
I think I even surprised myself when we broke apart by saying,  
  
"Marry me."  
  
I didn't even give him a chance to say anything. Or anyone for that matter. They had plenty of time after hearing my words to say "What?" I didn't dare look at the people standing behind me; I just tried to read what Niles was thinking. His face drained of all color yet his eyes brightened. I saw the beginnings of tears form in his eyes.  
  
"What did you say?" He asked struggling to speak at all.  
  
"Marry me."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because I believe in miracles." I said. I could feel myself beginning to tremble. I'm not the only one, he's shaking too, "because I believe in dreams coming true and because I believe in us and what we can be and are together. And most importantly because I love you."  
  
"Daphne, what are you doing," I heard Donny say again.  
  
I never bothered to look at him. I know it was wrong to ignore him but I needed to keep my attention focused on Niles. I'm afraid if I take my eyes off of him, I'll miss a sparkle in his eyes. I don't want to miss a thing. I've already missed so many things with him; I'm determined not to miss another.  
  
His eyes always tell me so much about him. They tell me if he is hurting, if he's happy, sad, ill, confused. Oh they tell me everything. Never once have I seen them conveying so many things all at once. It is rather difficult picking apart everything that his eyes are reflecting to me right now.  
  
I'm hoping he sees much the same in my eyes. I can feel all of my emotions just swirling around me. It's as if I'm stuck in a tornado not knowing when or even if I'm going to break free from its pull. Waiting for his reaction certainly isn't helping any.  
  
When his silence continued, I decided to speak up. All of these people and the magnitude of my confession left him speechless. And rightly so. He never knew that this was coming. He never expected it to happen at all. Now that it has, I'm sure he feels as if he is stuck in some kind of dream, not really sure if it's a dream or a nightmare and yet so scared to wake in fear of missing something.  
  
"Would it be better if we finish this discussion somewhere else?"  
  
He nodded never taking his eyes off of mine.  
  
"All right." I said stroking his cheek, taking his hand and pulling him toward my room.  
  
I heard a few more questioning words from the people in the living room. In due time, they'll get the explanation they are looking for. In due time. For now, however, it's all about Niles and making sure that he understands everything that is suddenly happening. I want to make sure that he knows how serious I am about loving him and discovering us.  
  
I'm not going to just walk out of Donny's life without an explanation. He is a wonderful man and I owe him at least that. Right now I have to fix things between Niles and me. Not that we had a problem to begin with, well a broken heart is probably worse than that. I had to mend his broken heart, I'm the one who broke it and I'll be the one to put it back together that is if he'll let me. 


	6. Part 6 Making Things Right

PART 6---Making Things Right  
  
  
  
I allowed Niles to enter my room first. I wanted to close and lock my door for good measure. This is the most serious moment of my life and I will not have someone, like Dr. Crane, barge in on it. After hearing the lock click into place, I turned to face Niles. He had his back towards me and I watched as he nervously ran a hand through his hair.  
  
He is so quiet and so confused. I can't say that I blame him. Everything is happening so fast. It's a miracle that it happened at all. It needed to, I'm sure there's no one in this make-shift family, Roz included, that would say otherwise. Niles and I were made for each other. We're meant to be in love.  
  
Meeting each other and falling in love wasn't a mistake. True it didn't happen exactly the way it should have. We should have experienced falling in love together. Not separately and at completely different times. Yet we did fall in love with each other. That was supposed to happen. I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life by his side. It's true when they say that you don't realize how much something means to you until you almost lose it. I almost let Niles slip through my fingers. I'm slowly tightening my grip on his hands and pulling him back to me.  
  
This silence, it's making me crazy. I have to know what he is thinking. Whatever he's thinking, I just hope he believes me. I'm telling the truth, I love him and I want to marry him. When I pull out my driver's license or credit card, I want to see Daphne Crane.  
  
Sometimes when I'm alone, I practice saying my married name. Daphne Crane fills my heart with a warm and wonderful feeling whereas Daphne Douglas makes me cringe. When I write it, Daphne Crane flows onto the paper like I've been writing it for years. It takes me forever to pen Daphne Douglas.  
  
"Say something," I said, "Please."  
  
"Daphne," he said, "did you really say those things to me? Or is this some sort of wonderful dream that I'm going to wake up from? Actually it would be more like a nightmare."  
  
"How's that," I asked quietly.  
  
"Because in the dream it's all so real. I can feel you lying next to me in my bed," he said, "I even reach out for you but when I open my eyes there's just an empty space."  
  
"If this is a dream," I said looking at the papers in my hand, "It's a dream come true."  
  
"So you meant everything," he said turning to look at me.  
  
"Yes," I said.  
  
"I just don't understand. I mean, I think you're serious. But why are you doing this?"  
  
"Because of what you said," I said holding up the letter.  
  
"How did you get that," he asked.  
  
"It arrived in the mail," I said quietly.  
  
"It did," he said, "oh my god."  
  
"Are you saying that this was not meant for me," I asked. Please don't tell me that, please don't tell me that.  
  
"No it's just," he said, "Daphne you weren't supposed to see that."  
  
"So what are you saying," I asked suddenly on the verge of tears, "that you don't mean these things. That you don't love me anymore?"  
  
"Daphne," he said.  
  
"Because it sure felt like it when I kissed you," I said sitting on the edge of my bed, "I could feel your heart beat. It was beating in unison with mine. Niles, that's never happened to me before. That means something, even if you don't think so."  
  
"I wouldn't have written this letter if I didn't feel this way. It was the only way I could say what I've felt for you. I just picked up the pen and once I started I couldn't stop," he said taking it out of my hand, "I've never felt this way before. And to be perfectly honest it scares me to death. And that's why I've never said anything."  
  
"I don't understand."  
  
"Because I know," he said sitting next to me, "that I'd go crazy without you. I don't know what I'd do without you if for some reason something would happen and we weren't together anymore. If I lost you, I'd lose myself too."  
  
"Niles," I whispered.  
  
"I had planned to tell you so many times. Each time I found a good excuse not to," he continued, "and then I told myself I was going to do it. I wanted to take that chance because I believe in us and everything that we could be together. And the day I chose to do it was the same day that Donny Douglas walked into our lives. My chance was gone although I did try to sabotage your relationship once and I'm really sorry about that but I wasn't ready to give up on us. It turns out that I didn't have to give up, you did it for me. I watched you say yes to him. And I've been a wreck ever since."  
  
"Oh my." The sobs were welling up in my throat. To know that I caused him so much pain breaks my heart. He's so dependent on his love for me. The love he has for me defines him as a person. It makes him strong, so strong that he stepped down in order to make me happy. He's such a wonderful person. I'm so lucky that he chose me. Or that love chose us rather.  
  
"I lost you and I lost myself. God Daphne, I love you so much."  
  
"Niles," I said moving to my knees and kneeling in front of him, "let me find you. Let me find us. I don't want to lose you. I want to make everything right between us. And being together is right."  
  
"But what about," he asked. I know what or whom rather, he's referring to and honestly I don't care. I've hurt Niles a lot more than I could ever hurt Donny. And the only thing I want to do now is heal Niles. So I chose to ignore what lies ahead of us.  
  
"You know as I was sitting on a bench by the bay today, I began to daydream. I saw things that I've never seen before and they gave me answers to everything."  
  
"What did you see," he asked.  
  
"I saw you," I whispered, "I saw us. Together, kissing on the beach that we built a beautiful house on. I saw a grand piano in the great room and a little brown haired girl carefully tapping the keys, when she looked up at me, she had your eyes. It was our daughter Niles, our little girl. And she was so beautiful. I saw you on the same beach chasing our grandchildren.I saw you smiling at me."  
  
"Were you happy," he asked.  
  
"Happier than I've ever been in my life," I said holding his hands. "Whenever I'm with you now, I'm always happy. I don't think about anything but that moment. When I with Donny the only thing I can think about is what it would be like if I were sharing that moment with you instead."  
  
"Really," he asked.  
  
"Yes. Niles there are so many things that I want to share with you. I can't imagine sharing them with anyone else."  
  
I looked into his eyes and I just wanted him to hold me. I then reached up and kissed him. It was even better than the first kiss we shared. If it's possible for two people to make love with solely their lips, then that's exactly what we're doing. I melted in his arms and I heard myself whimper slightly. I don't know why but I just wanted to cry and cry. Tears of happiness, of course.  
  
When we finally released our lips, we rested our foreheads together and I said the words for the second time that afternoon.  
  
"I love you."  
  
"And I love you."  
  
"Niles," I said, "some people wait a lifetime for a moment like this."  
  
"I can't believe this is happening to me. I never thought it would."  
  
"Believe it."  
  
Our faces were just centimeters apart the entire time our lips touched in between words. Never have I felt so close to someone as I do with this man. From the time I heard of his true feelings, I've felt that there is nothing on this earth that can hurt me. The love of this man is my protection. It's my comfort and my joy.  
  
It dawned on me that very moment that I had yet to receive and answer to the question I asked immediately after I kissed him the first time.  
  
"You never answered me, you know."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Will you marry me," I asked.  
  
"Yes," he said with a barely audible whisper.  
  
My heart soared higher than ever before.  
  
He said yes.  
  
My dreams and visions are going to come true. Together we're going to make everything a reality. One day he'll be chasing our children on a beach somewhere, our daughter will be serenading the house as she taps the keys of a grand piano and our love will fill the halls. It's going to be wonderful.  
  
I kissed him again and instantly knew that I wanted more. I knew that we didn't have many options though. We couldn't leave this apartment without dodging questions and I'm betting that someone is bound to put a glass to the door in a vain attempt to hear us.  
  
I want this night to be about Niles and me. I want this night to be about our love. This night can be our calm before the storm. I just pray the storm blows over really quickly and the sun can shine again. One thing's for sure, I've got a rainbow in my sight. And Niles is my pot of gold. 


	7. Part 7 Sea of Love

Part 7---The Sea of Love  
  
The tension between is us so intense, all I can think about is becoming one with him, spiritually and physically. My heart is beating so fast, it won't be long before it beats itself right out of my body. I know he's feeling it too. The pace of his breathing is beginning to pick up. And so is his heart. I can feel it his pulse racing under my hand as it gently rests on his neck. This is what I always hoped would happen between the man I'm destined to spend my life with and myself.  
  
We're not exactly in the best locations to make love. We've got the room right, just the wrong apartment. What I wouldn't give for us to be across town at the Montana. It's private and empty. Whereas Dr. Crane's apartment is embarrassingly open and very crowded. We would be taking a great risk if we were to share ourselves in the most traditional of places, my bed. We were lucky enough to have another room, albeit small, with a door and a lock. And he knew it too. His eyes followed mine to the bathroom, our temporary haven.  
  
"A bubble bath," he whispered in my ear.  
  
I smiled. We are of one mind. "Now is that how you want to make love for the first time? In a porcelain bathtub?"  
  
"Do you not want to," he asked, "I'd understand."  
  
"No, I want us to make love. I want you to hold me," I said standing up and taking his hand. "It's all I've been able to think about since Christmas."  
  
"What," he said, his eyes widening.  
  
"When I found out the truth," I said.  
  
"You mean you knew," he asked, "who told you?"  
  
"Everyone," I whispered. "And it's okay, I don't care. Deep down in my heart I always knew."  
  
"I was hoping you did," he said as we walked into my bathroom.  
  
"Fear and insecurity," I said closing the door behind us and locking it giving us one more roadblock from the rest of the outside world.  
  
"I was hoping that's what it was too," he said taking me into his arms. It felt so wonderful to be there. I don't know how I ever survived without being there. It's funny, this is the first time that he's held me like this and it was enough for me to know that these were the only arms I ever wanted to hold me. They've held me so many times. I don't know how I could have missed the love that radiates from them.  
  
I turned in his arms to turn on the water. He still held me, "I'm afraid to let you go." He whispered to me while burying his face in my hair, "I'm so afraid that I if let you go."  
  
"Stop," I said turning around in his arms again, "please don't finish that. I'm about to show you why I don't want you to let me go. And I want you to know that if you move your arms for even a second, I'm not going to go anywhere. Niles, I love you. I want us to be together. Okay?"  
  
He looked at me longingly, the fear slowly fading from his eyes. "Okay."  
  
And then I kissed him silly, once again. The next thing I knew we were naked and splashing bubbles all over my bathroom floor. The mess on the floor would suggest some rough waters, but it was gentle movements, toe curling kisses and enough passion to make the building explode. He made me feel things that I never felt before. Things that I never even knew were possible for anyone to feel. I've never felt more beautiful or more alive than I did as we made love for the first time.  
  
Nor have I ever moved this fast with a man. We've never been on an "official" date. And here we are engaged and making love. But it feels so right and I find myself questioning why we had never done this before. We both had spent so much time imagining what it would be like for us, so many nights of wondering and dreaming. And to finally be making love with the man of my dreams, just like he said in the letter, it's a miracle.  
  
When the waves finally came to a halt and our passion inflicted trembling stopped, we stretched out in the tub. Well as best as we could. My bathroom isn't as luxurious as Dr. Crane's, but we managed.  
  
"We'll have be sure to put in an extra large bathtub when we build the house," he said, "but if we're going to live on the ocean, we've got the worlds largest one right out the back door. Our very own sea of love."  
  
"You mean you'd actually make love to me on a beach?"  
  
"Daphne, I'd make love to you anywhere. When I'm with you, everything disappears."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Anywhere. On the top of the Empire State building, Sears Tower, Eiffel Tower, Big Ben, even the top of this building. As long as you're there, the location doesn't matter."  
  
"I'm going to hold you to that."  
  
He smiled and kissed my hand. It's so amazing that we're here, together. The best part is that it feels so very right. I'm not nervous, scared or even shy. I'm comfortable, happy and at home in his arms. Any doubts I could have ever had are just a distant memory.  
  
"The day I met you, even before you reached out to shake my hand, all I could see was you. A soft light drowned out everything else in the room except you. Heaven had sent me an angel."  
  
Now how exactly do you respond to something like that? Needless to say, I found a way. I just pray to god the water doesn't leak down into the apartment below us. I have no idea how to explain that one to anybody.  
  
After our second session of lovemaking, we refreshed the slowly cooling water and I just snuggling in his arms. We didn't speak; I was completely overwhelmed by the moment. We slowed things down and just felt each other. I shivered as he traced my body with his soft fingertips. At one point, they traveled down my left arm and found my fingers.  
  
"We're going to have to find just the right ring for this finger." He whispered. "I don't want to keep it bare, too long."  
  
I squeezed his hand and kissed his cheek. I sighed and said, "Oh Niles. What are we going to do?"  
  
"You mean we can't stay here forever?"  
  
"We can after we take care of everything on the other side of my bedroom door. We're not going to make it out of here without some sort of confrontation."  
  
"We could repel down the side of the building." He said nuzzling my neck.  
  
"We? What's this we business? I could repel down the building, but you? Niles, you'd kill yourself. I want you to live long enough so we can build a house on the beach and buy a big grand piano for our children to play."  
  
"Daphne, I told you, I'd do anything to make you happy and to see you smile," he said.  
  
"Then hold me a little longer," I whispered, "I'm not ready to face what's out there just yet."  
  
"We can stay here as long as you want," he said, "but I must warn you. After so long hot water turns cold and human skin turns pruny." He held up my hand, "See?"  
  
"I love you," I said turning in his arms and burying my head in his neck. And this is the moment where I finally lost it. All of the emotions I had been feeling came pouring out and it was in the arms of the man that I love is where I felt comfortable enough to let the tears fall. "And I'm so sorry it took me so long to see that you were right in front of me. Everyday you walked in and out of that door and I couldn't see past the suit and the tie."  
  
"Daphne, shhh," he said, "It's all right. That's behind us now."  
  
"We could have had so many more years together if I had," I said, "that house would already be built and our children would be running around on the beach."  
  
"That's all going to happen," he said gently, "we're going to build that house and have those kids. And they'll learn how to play the piano and run on the beach. We'll do all of the things we've both dreamed of doing and we'll do them together. I promise. In fact we'll get started right away."  
  
"On the house or the kids," I asked with a sniffle.  
  
"I'd like to say both," he said, "but I want to marry you first and we're going to need a place to put those kids. So for now, let's just worry about having a roof over our heads."  
  
"Niles," I said.  
  
"Yes," he whispered, kissing my ear.  
  
"Can we stay here together for the rest of the night," I asked, "I don't want us to be apart."  
  
"What shall we do then," he asked.  
  
"We could talk," I said shivering slightly as the water grew cooler, "we could tell each other our dreams, fantasies and everything. Or we could lie in each other's arms and just hold one another. Or."  
  
"Or.," he asked.  
  
"We could do both and then make love again, and again and again," I said kissing him.  
  
"You don't want to deal with the aftermath of this do you," he asked. He's right. I'm terrified.  
  
"I can't hide anything from you, can I," I said.  
  
"I wouldn't say that exactly. Daphne, I know you. Part of falling in love with you is learning all of the little things that make you who you are. I listened, even if you didn't realize it, I listened. With my heart, my soul, my mind, my ears and unlike everyone else, it stayed with me. It's still with me, it always will be. I've always thought, no one is going to know you as well I do and no one is going to know me as well as you know me. But that is my choice. It's my choice to share all that I have with you, I don't want to share it with anyone else."  
  
"What would you have done if I had never come along," I asked and immediately regretting it for I did not want to think about that.  
  
"I don't know," he said truthfully, "all I know is that for the longest time, you weren't a part of my life and then one day you were. I haven't looked back."  
  
"I guess I have a small confession to make then," I said. "The day I met you, I.well I couldn't get to sleep that night. Something about you really bothered me."  
  
"What," he said sitting up a little straighter.  
  
"Hear me out," I said, "I couldn't figure out what it was. It wasn't good. It wasn't bad. It was just something. But it bothered me enough to the point where you were constantly on my mind. There was just something about you. I didn't know what it was then, but I know what it is now."  
  
"What is it," he asked.  
  
"It was and is love," I said, "it was love at first sight, I just didn't know it because I wasn't looking for it. My comfort level with you has always left me wondering. I couldn't figure out why I always felt so safe and comfortable with you more so than your brother and even your father. And he used to be a policeman."  
  
"Was the answer to that love as well," he said.  
  
"The answer to ever question where you are concerned is love. I just needed to be smacked in the head with it," I said, "I needed that little push. I've been teetering on the edge for years and that beautiful letter knocked me over it. When I read the letter for the first time I was speechless. I ran out of the apartment just so I could read it again."  
  
"How about I tell you? Face to face."  
  
"I'd love that. But let's get out of this ice water before you do."  
  
"I told you." I love that he knows just what to say to make me laugh.  
  
He wrapped me in a towel and dried himself off. Through tears of joy, I watched him, and validations of my thoughts of how gorgeous he is filled my soul. He's a beautiful man with a beautiful heart. I could see the glow on his face and it hit me that I put that glow on his face. He looks so happy and I'm the one that made him so.  
  
Being the neat freak he is, he began to tidy up the mess we made in the bathroom. I used this opportunity to grab the comforter off of my bed and the pillows. I made a little love nest on the floor. There is absolutely no way this would have worked in the bathroom. Our temporary haven became no more as there was enough water on the floor to race remote control boats. And the lack of space proved to be a problem as we are both rather tall. Stretching out on the cold, wet floor would be incredibly uncomfortable.  
  
My bed now served as a bit of a barrier. I couldn't wait to curl up with him under the blankets and just be. He was taking a bit longer in the bathroom than I wanted. We are definitely going to have to work on that.  
  
"Leave it," I said pulling him out of the very damp room. "Come lie down with me."  
  
And we did. For the rest of the night we stayed cuddled together on the floor. Our lovemaking reached new heights as each time was better than the one before. I didn't want the night to end and I didn't want to face tomorrow. But I know that Niles will be right by my side no matter what happens. 


	8. Part 8 Telling the Family

PART 8---Telling the Family  
  
When Niles and I finally immerged from my room the next morning, we found the apartment to be incredibly quiet save for the light rattling of dishes in the kitchen. My grip on Niles hand tightened and I found myself wanting to turn back and hide behind the locked door again.  
  
"Daphne," Niles whispered to me, "it's going to be all right. I promise it will. But we can't stay holed up in your room for the rest of our lives. Don't you think it would be the best thing for everyone if we get everything out in the open? I don't know about you, but I'm tired of hiding the way I feel about you and after last night, I refuse to do it."  
  
"I know you're right," I said burying myself in his arms, "I'm just so frightened."  
  
"Why," he asked with a kiss to my forehead.  
  
"Oh I don't know," I said, "what if everyone turns on me for the horrible thing I have done to Donny."  
  
"Honey," he said calling me by a pet name for the first time. I melted when he called me that. When he says it, it sounds perfect. He was meant to call me that. "I can't imagine Dad or Frasier being anything but happy for us. Roz too, why I don't exactly know, but she probably will be. As for me, I think you know my feelings about all of this."  
  
"Yes, you showed me quite a few times," I said feeling my cheeks redden slightly.  
  
We lingered in the hallway outside my room and in each other's arms for a few more minutes. Yes we kissed, such a beautiful kiss too but mostly we just held each other. He made me feel safe and I knew right then that no matter how difficult things would be, at the end of the night I would be right back in his arms again.  
  
"Are you ready to face the world," he asked kissing my forehead.  
  
"If I get to face it with you," I answered.  
  
"You do," he said taking my hand and leading me into the living room, "I promise."  
  
Dr. and Mr. Crane were at the table reading the morning paper. When they heard our footsteps coming toward them, they looked at each other and then at Niles and I. Once again, I tightened my grip on his hand and held on to his arm with my other hand.  
  
"Mornin'," Mr. Crane said to us with a cheery tone. Niles was right, he's not going to have a problem with this.  
  
"Niles, Daphne," Dr. Crane said. He said Niles name rather casually, mine however, took a completely different tone. I don't even know the best way to describe it, but it scared me.  
  
"Good morning," I said quietly. I quickly made the decision to jump right into this conversation rather than put it off. If I did that, I would probably find myself hiding under the piano like Niles once told me he used to do. "I know I owe everyone an explanation."  
  
"You're in love with my son," Mr. Crane said standing up, "there's not much more to explain."  
  
"I am in love with your son. I'm madly in love with him," I said smiling at Niles, "but that doesn't exactly explain my behavior."  
  
"People in love do crazy things," he said moving closer to us. "I just have one request and I'm not going to say anything else."  
  
"What," I asked looking at Niles.  
  
"If you're going to be sleeping my son, I refuse to let you call me Mr. Crane anymore," he said with an excited smile growing on his face. Sleeping with his son, my goodness, he just comes right out and says what's on his mind. One of these days I'll have to tell him I prefer the term making love with his son.  
  
"So Dad," Niles said, I think he realized that I was too stunned to speak. I expected Mr. Crane to be disappointed in me and my actions. "You're okay with this?"  
  
"Okay with this," he said pulling me into his arms, "It's about damn time."  
  
"Oh thank you," I said feeling the tears well up once again. I hugged the man, so tightly he probably would have turned blue had Niles not touched my back and gently pulled me back.  
  
"I told you," Niles whispered in my ear.  
  
"Dr. Crane," I said nervously. I had crossed one major hurdle with Mr. Crane. I knew he would be the easiest one to cross. Dr. Crane is a different story however.  
  
"Daphne," he said again, "if you don't mind, I would like an explanation."  
  
"Frasier, I don't think." Niles said. God I love this man so much, he's trying to make sure this isn't any harder for me than it already it is.  
  
"No honey," I said smiling as I called him a pet name for the first time. It just rolled off of my tongue as if I had been saying it for years, "if he wants an explanation, I'm going to give him one."  
  
"Thank you," he said.  
  
"Dr. Crane, for the past six months, I have been sitting on a secret," I said, "a secret that someone else has been sitting on for nearly seven years, a secret that was shared with me by three other people and finally as of yesterday, the person himself."  
  
"What," Dr. Crane asked.  
  
"I've known about Niles' feelings for me for months now," I said, "I found out just before your birthday. I'm not blaming anyone for telling me, especially as I received confirmations from everyone. And yesterday, I got to hear it coming from him. You probably saw right through my "I'm not upset" act that I pulled yesterday. The letter I got in the mail was from Niles. He told me everything he had been wanting to tell me from the moment we met."  
  
"What did he say," Dr. Crane asked glaring at Niles.  
  
"That's really none of your business," I said. I don't plan on sharing the letter with anyone. "but it was exactly what I needed to hear. I've been having the same sort of feelings for him for such a long time now. I'm not quite sure when they started. The only thing I'm sure of is the fact that I can't remember not having these feelings. And then I got his letter and I knew that I had given up on all of my dreams too soon. I realized and as bad as this sounds, I settled for Donny. My dream had been right in front of me for so long. Yesterday I came to the conclusion that no matter how wonderful Donny might be, I couldn't give up on my dream. Especially with him being right beside me. Niles is my dream, he's my miracle. I believe in us. And I'm willing to give up everything so that we can have a shot."  
  
"Niles," Dr. Crane asked.  
  
"What," he responded. Answering his brother meant he had to tear his eyes off of me. I'm just glad I got to see his excitement before his eyes dimmed a bit.  
  
"Do you have anything to say," Dr. Crane asked.  
  
"Yes," he said, "I love Daphne. I love her. But you knew that. Everyone knew that. And Daphne knows now. I did write that letter. I had to get my feelings out somehow. If I couldn't tell her verbally, at least my feelings would be documented in some form. I couldn't keep them bottled up inside me anymore. If I did, I probably would have exploded at some point and the last thing any of us need is to be picking up pieces of Niles all over the place."  
  
"I'd prefer it if he were in one piece" I said, "I've already got a broken heart to mend."  
  
"You already did," Niles whispered to me.  
  
"Really," I asked.  
  
"Of course," he answered, "Daphne, the only thing I've ever needed in life is you. And having you heals any and every wound that I may have had. I don't feel the pain of heartache anymore."  
  
"I'm glad," I said kissing him as gently and quickly as I could therefore not starting something I knew could not be finished.  
  
"You know," Dr. Crane said to us, "I woke up this morning and had no idea how to respond to what happened last night. Don't be angry but I was kind of hoping I wouldn't have to see you. I didn't know whether I would congratulate you or kill you. Last night stunned even me."  
  
"Yeah, his jaw hit the floor before Donny's did," Mr. Crane said jumping into the conversation. His sarcasm always manages to break the tension. It's one of the many little quirks that I have come to love about Mr. Crane.  
  
"I knew something had upset you when you got that letter,' Dr. Crane said, "I had no idea that it was from Niles. And I should have recognized the handwriting. I was truly worried while you were gone. I called Roz just to see if she had talked to you. I guess I worried her and that's why she showed up last night."  
  
"I should have told someone why I was running out like that," I said. "Poor Donny, I was really rude to him yesterday. Pushing him away from me and everything, but it just didn't feel right. It hasn't for quite some time. There was always a little part of him that made me uncomfortable, I couldn't figure out what it was though. I did yesterday though. He isn't Niles. Now I don't feel anything but complete."  
  
"Daphne," Dr. Crane said walking over to me and placing his hands on my arms, "I want to be sure that you realize that Niles wants forever with you. I don't think any of us could handle anything less than that. You've always been a part of this family. You're the sister I never had."  
  
"The daughter I never had," Mr. Crane chimed in.  
  
"You've always been so much more to Niles," Dr. Crane said looking directly at Niles, "from the very beginning. We've all watched his love for you blossom and become so intense, it was inevitable to become jealous of it. For me, it was much easier to deny his feelings than accept the fact that he is experiencing something I have yet to. Something I didn't even know was possible. Niles only needs one thing in life. That's you."  
  
"He's the only thing I need," I said, "it just took me a little while to figure it out. Before I even realized it was love that I feel for him, Niles was the most important person in my life. He has given me more things than I ever hoped I would receive, even more than I thought I deserved. He has given me support, guidance, friendship, respect and love. I want you to know that I plan on giving him whatever he needs to be happy. All that I am just isn't enough, he deserves the world and I'm going to see that he gets it, no matter how long it takes."  
  
The looks on the faces of the three men who gave me a new life are priceless. Especially Niles as he is so close to tears. Without saying a word, I know that is the first time anyone has ever said anything like to him. The same goes for Dr. and Mr. Crane. It's the first time they have ever heard a woman say that to Niles. Perhaps it's the first time they have heard it period. Yes, they know he deserves to be happy but I don't think they ever expected him to find someone who made him as such. Nor did they expect someone to put forth all that she is for him.  
  
I'm woman who is going to make his dreams come true. I've come to realize that he is more than worth all of the confusion and heartache that I have experienced these last months. It's truly amazing how one person can come into your life and make everything okay by simply being there. We've helped each other in more ways than I can even begin to recount. This is my chance to do those things publicly. I want the world to know that my mission in life is to love and take care of Niles Crane.  
  
"I hope you mean that because this isn't something that's going to go away," Dr. Crane said, trying to explain to me something I already knew. "Niles is going to love you until the day he dies. And I know your relationship is the most important thing in the world to him. I know it's pretty important to you as well. I would just hate for either of you to get hurt."  
  
Dear Dr. Crane, always looking out for everyone involved.  
  
"I know. I'm going to love him forever. Although I don't think," I said looking over at Niles. "Forever is long enough though. Is that okay?"  
  
"That's perfect," he said.  
  
"So are you guys going to get married," Mr. Crane asked. I can tell he's wanted to ask us that from the moment we walked into the main room of the apartment. At times I could actually see him squirm in his chair and ring his hands under the table.  
  
"Dad, Daphne has made me a proposal," Niles said reaching to stroke my cheek, "that I simply could not refuse."  
  
"All right," Mr. Crane said jumping out of his seat and embracing us both, "congratulations!"  
  
"Thank you," I said once again looking for Dr. Crane's approval.  
  
"Daphne Crane does have a nice ring to it," he said, "let me be the first to officially welcome you into our family."  
  
"Oh thank you Dr. Crane," I said.  
  
"You can't call me that anymore," he said, "we're family now. My family calls me Frasier."  
  
"Well, thank you Frasier,' I said. It felt so strange to call him that. I have no choice other than to get used to it. We're going to be family for quite a long time. Those children Niles and I are planning to have are going to call him as such. It would be quite unusual for their mother to call their uncle by his professional name.  
  
"Don't worry, it will take some time to get used to," he said, "for both of us."  
  
"And you better start calling me Dad," Mr. Crane said.  
  
"You mean now," I asked, "we're not even married yet."  
  
"Well, how long before you will be," he asked.  
  
"Dad, we're not going to run off and get married tonight," Niles said coming to my rescue. "We're going to take some time to sort a few things out."  
  
"But soon," I said. I don't want to wait more than a few months to become Mrs. Niles Crane.  
  
"I guess I can wait," Mr. Crane said.  
  
"I can work on Martin though," I said.  
  
"I can live with that," he said hugging me.  
  
"Daphne, if I may bring up a rather nasty topic," Frasier said quietly.  
  
"Yes," I said, knowing exactly what he was going to say.  
  
"What are you going to do about Donny," he asked.  
  
"We were actually talking about that before we came out here," I said, "and I took care of it. I'm meeting him at Nervosa on his lunch break."  
  
"I see," he said, "are you going with her Niles?"  
  
"No," he said. "Daphne wants to do this on her own and I'm going to let her. I'll be here when it's over."  
  
Hearing him say that gave me the strength to gather up my might and make things right with Donny. As much as I want to stay here in the comfort of my boys, I have a job to do. And when it's over, I'll be right back here in the arms of the man that loves me and surrounded by a family I'm thrilled to be a part of. 


	9. Part 9 Saying Goodbye

Part 6---Saying Goodbye  
  
  
  
I said a tearful good-bye to Niles, kissing him a bit longer than I should have and headed to Nervosa to meet with Donny. I thought it would be best to meet with him on some sort of neutral territory. Donny suggested I come to his apartment and I immediately said no. I wasn't comfortable going over there and confronting him on his turf. Nervosa seemed to be the best place.  
  
I arrived early so I could make an attempt to collect my thoughts before Donny made his appearance. Niles asked me what I was going to say to him and I told him truthfully that I didn't know. This would be one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life but I knew that being without Niles would be even harder. The strength that he gives me, I now know, will get me through any challenge I ever have to face.  
  
I was lost in my cup of coffee when he finally walked in. He startled me, as I did not know he had walked in the door. That's another difference. I know immediately when Niles enters a room. His presence is so vivid. Donny just sort of sneaks up on you and you don't know he's there until he's right in front of you, much like a piranha. I'm not his prey however. I will get away before he has a chance to swallow me whole.  
  
"Hello Daphne," Donny said quietly. I could see the hurt on his face. Hurt and confusion. Things happened so quickly, as if a hurricane blew right through the Elliot Bay Towers. Donny has no idea what's going on. This is probably going to be the last time we'll ever see each other.  
  
"Donny," I said standing up. I looked into his eyes, all I've ever really seen is darkness. I've never seen the beauty that I see in Niles eyes. I've never seen the sea. Looking into Donny's eyes is like staring into a cup of coffee. They don't do much for me. God, I'm so horrible for thinking that.  
  
"You don't have to get up," he said.  
  
"Would you like to join me," I said smoothing my skirt as I sat back down. I had to fight the urge to smile because I let Niles help me pick out my outfit. He was sitting on my bed watching me sort through my closet and we were having the silliest conversation. Something about his brother I believe.  
  
It was so wonderful to be sharing that moment with him. He asked me if I had ever experienced such a wonderful and comfortable morning after making love for the first time. I looked at him and shook my head. That moment just reassured me that what I'm about to do and say is all worth it, no matter how much it might hurt.  
  
"Part of me does and the other doesn't," he said after a few moments. His momentary silence allowed me to think about Niles and find the strength to do this.  
  
"Donny, I.I'm really sorry about all of this," I said as he slowly sat down across from me, "I never meant for any of this to happen."  
  
"You know, I'm not really sure what is happening," he said.  
  
"Donny, I can't marry you," I said.  
  
"That's pretty much what I thought," he said producing the diamond ring he had given me, "after you through this on the floor."  
  
"I am so sorry," I said. In my moment of passion driven insanity, I tossed it behind me with a hollow clink as it hit the floor.  
  
"Niles wasn't the only shocked person in the room," he said with a chuckle.  
  
"I owe you a big explanation," I said taking a deep breath. I didn't even give him a chance to stop me, "From the time I was a little girl, I dreamed of falling in love with a man who would do anything to make me happy. I didn't know it at the time, but I met him not long after I took the job with Mr. Crane."  
  
"Niles," Donny said quietly.  
  
"Yes," I said, "all he ever wanted was for me to be happy even if it meant losing me. He loves me so much that he let me go because he thought it would make me happy."  
  
"Did I not make you happy," he asked.  
  
"Yes, you did. You were wonderful to me," I said, "that's why I feel just awful about all of this because I don't think I have been nearly as wonderful to you. I tried to be, but I just wanted something more. It took me nearly seven years to realize that I had it all along. I'm sorry to have dragged you into this and I'm ashamed to have led you on for so long."  
  
"Can I ask how long you've had these feelings toward Niles," he asked.  
  
"I don't know," I said, "I honestly don't. I just know that at some point, if I were to let this continue, I would be absolutely miserable. I can't do that to you Donny. I can't go on with this relationship when I'm constantly thinking of someone else. It's not fair to you. You deserve someone better than me, someone whose life long dream is of becoming your wife."  
  
"Is becoming Niles' wife your life long dream," he asked.  
  
"Yes," I whispered, "let me ask you something. I want the truth, can you picture us several years down the road?"  
  
"Sometimes," he said.  
  
"What do you see," I asked.  
  
"It's not much," he said, "lounging around at home, just enjoying being together, a nice apartment in the city, you know, those sort of things."  
  
"Do you ever see children," I asked, this was going to be the final question. No matter what his answer is, I'm going to tell him what I see. That is if he doesn't ask me first.  
  
"No," he said looking down.  
  
"When I think of my future, there are children," I said, "four of them. Three girls and a boy. Only recently did I see their father. Actually I didn't see him, I saw him in my children. That's when I knew that I couldn't do this."  
  
"What did you see," he asked.  
  
"I saw a little girl playing the piano," I said, "when she looked up at me, she had her father's blue eyes."  
  
"And this vision was enough to convince you that Niles is the person for you," he said glaring at me.  
  
"It's not just about that," I said, "when you and I are together, I find myself thinking of him and what it would be like if I were sharing that moment with him. When I'm with Niles, I don't think about anything else, just that moment."  
  
"Everything we did together, you would rather have spent the time with Niles," he said.  
  
"Oh Donny, we've had some wonderful times together," I said, "it's just."  
  
He looked at me with this look and I just couldn't bring myself to finish this sentence. This is already a big deal. I don't want to make it any bigger by bringing Niles into this any more than he already is. I don't think he would, but I don't want to take the chance that Donny would do something to Niles.  
  
The silence between us is deafening. I don't know what to say anymore. "I'm sorry" just doesn't seem like it's enough. It's not going to heal as many wounds as one hopes it would.  
  
"So the reason behind our initial meeting was true," he said bringing up certain accusations that I had too quickly dismissed. It's not that I didn't believe them, it's the fact that the realization terrified me, "I should have known. When we had dinner to discuss the accusations, you stumbled on your feelings for him. You were quick to dismiss his feelings for you, almost too quick."  
  
"I was in shock," I said. "Donny, I need Niles in my life. I need him so much it physically hurts. The closer it got to the wedding, the more I started to fall apart. That's why I've been a bit short with you. I began to panic. And then that letter arrived yesterday. I knew that I couldn't fight my feelings anymore. You deserve better than that, and Niles deserved to know that I love him."  
  
"Well," he said taking a deep breath and standing up. That's it? He's leaving? I didn't expect him to just get up and walk out. "It was great while it lasted."  
  
"Donny, I am so sorry," I said rising. I wanted to give him a hug but the second I moved towards him, he pushed me away.  
  
"Please don't," he said, "I want you to be happy. I thought I could make you happy. I guess I just didn't know how to."  
  
"This is not your fault," I said, "I need you to know that. You are wonderful and somewhere out there is a woman wants you to make her happy, who wants your love. You have so much to give. I'm just not the woman for you."  
  
"Yes you are," he said.  
  
"No I'm not," I said, "you're going to find a woman who can't think of anyone but you when you are together. She's going to love just being with you and sharing her life with you. This is your second chance to find her. And I know you will."  
  
"I hope you're right," he said looking at the door, "take care."  
  
"You too," I said watching him walk out of the café. I slumped back into my chair and watched the door. 


	10. Part 10 Love is All Around

Part 10-Love Is All Around  
  
Donny passed Roz in the doorway and gave her a half smile as he turned to look at me for the last time. She watched him walk outside and then made a beeline towards me.  
  
As soon as he was out of sight, I dropped my head in my hands. I know it's wrong to say this, but I feel as though a complete weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I'm free to love Niles with everything that I am.  
  
"Daphne," Roz said pulling up a chair and sitting next to me. "What just happened?"  
  
"I just closed a chapter in my life," I said. I may have closed the chapter but I will always remember it as being the one that changed my life.  
  
"You broke up with Donny," she said.  
  
"Yes," I said. Well, I officially broke up with him today. I obviously ended it last night. "No. Actually I did it last night. This was the explanation. I'm glad it's over with. Now I can begin writing the next chapter, with Niles."  
  
Roz smiled at me. It appears to be an envious smile. The beauty of what's happening between Niles and I, is getting to even Roz. She got that out of her system really quickly because that envious smile slowly turned into a devilish one. I just hope she doesn't take any of this to work tomorrow. The last thing I need is Roz Doyle sharing my love life with the rest of Seattle.  
  
"So spill it," she said, "What happened last night? And don't leave out a single detail."  
  
"Well I got a letter in the mail from Niles yesterday," I said, "he told me how much he loved me and how he'd give up everything to make me happy. He said he believes in us and with the way I've been feeling these last few months; I knew I couldn't give up on him. I had to give us a chance."  
  
"The way you've been feeling," she asked, "wait a minute, are you saying that you've had feelings for Niles for a few months?"  
  
Gee, Roz, you don't miss a thing.  
  
"Yes," I said.  
  
"When did this happen?"  
  
"Oh Roz, it's been happening. The funny thing is, I don't know when it started. I can't remember not feeling this way though. It's so much a part of me that I can't figure out when or where it all began."  
  
"You've been falling in love with Niles for months now and you never told me," she asked.  
  
"I didn't tell anyone," I said. "How could I? It took me this long to even tell Niles."  
  
"That must have been rough sitting on this for so long."  
  
"You have no idea. I was coming pretty close to going crazy."  
  
"Sounds like you're in need of a therapist."  
  
"I've got one and he recommends that I spend a great deal of time on the couch with him. We've got a lot of issues to work out, if you know what I mean."  
  
"I should say so. That was some kiss last night," she said, "My god, I thought Donny was going to pass out."  
  
"That might not have been the wisest course of action," I said wincing a bit from her words, "I saw Niles and I just couldn't help myself. I love him so much that it makes me crazy sometimes. It was a moment of pure insanity but damn it, I had to do it and am thrilled that I did."  
  
"Was it my imagination or did you really ask him to marry you," she asked.  
  
"I did," I said smiling to myself. I can still hear him saying yes in my mind.  
  
"What did he say," she asked.  
  
"He said yes," I whispered. The next thing I knew, Roz threw her arms around my neck and practically dragged me out of my chair.  
  
"Oh my god, I knew it," she said, "I knew you two would wind up together. This is so great."  
  
"Well thank you Roz, I think so too," I said, "it's better than great."  
  
"So," she said. I know she's trying to drag more out of me.  
  
"So what," I said pretending to be ignorant as to her notions.  
  
"So? So what happened after you disappeared into your room," she asked.  
  
"I got my answer," I said simply. I want to go into details for her, but at the same time I'll just die if I don't find my way back into Niles' arms sometime soon. That ache is starting to come back.  
  
"And then what," she said pressuring me for details, "and if you don't tell me now, I'll keep grilling you until you do."  
  
"So," I said.  
  
"The longer I interrogate you," she said devilishly, "the longer of a wait it's going to be before you're back in his arms."  
  
"Roz, I'm not about to tell you that I spent most of last night making love with my best friend," I said.  
  
'I knew it," she said, "Oh my god, I knew it. Frasier owes me fifty bucks."  
  
"You bet on whether or not Niles and I would share ourselves last night," I said.  
  
That shocked me, but at the same time it didn't surprise me. Something tells me they've been waging on us for years.  
  
"Of course we did," she said, "was there any doubt?"  
  
"I suppose not," I said.  
  
"You can make it a hundred if you tell me where," she said.  
  
"Roz," I said. "You're treading on thin water now."  
  
'Oh come on Daphne," she said, "We've shared details of our sex lives before. We're women, we're supposed to do that."  
  
"This is different Roz," I said, "for the first time I want to keep that part of a relationship between myself and the man that I love. I want Niles to be the only person to know how he makes me feel when we're intimate. Trust me, when you meet the right person you'll feel the same way."  
  
"I hope you're right," she said.  
  
"Just think positively."  
  
"Daph, I hate bring this back up but Donny didn't look too good when he left," she said.  
  
I know he's going to be upset for quite a while. I still think that sadness will be temporary. Niles, on the other hand, if I were to ignore everything, his sadness would last a lifetime.  
  
"You know Roz, probably the worst thing I've done in the last few months is trying to imagine what it would be like to be with Niles, when I was with Donny. Sometimes I could almost see his face and as much as I wanted to say his name and pull him closer to me, I knew that if it were really Niles, it would feel completely different. It was as if I knew he would be gentle and passionate and he would savor every second. As I began to realize the depths of my love for him, I realized that this love would take me to places I've never been before. Last night, all of those things happened. Heaven exists in the arms of Niles Crane."  
  
"Daphne, I think you must be the luckiest woman I know," Roz said with tears in her eyes, "I guess you have a different wedding to plan now."  
  
"I don't know if I even want to go through the motions like that."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Do you remember the day we were going over the wedding plans and you asked me why I had chosen blue bridesmaids dresses?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"That shade of blue is the color of his eyes," I said, "I never liked the color before but it quickly became my favorite when I moved to Seattle and took the job with Crane's. Donny really hasn't been much help in planning this wedding and I asked Niles what he thought of my plans, you know for a man's perspective. And this was before I knew he loved me. He told me that if I were planning our wedding, he would want what I want because the only thing that mattered to him would be standing next to me, becoming my husband. God, that made me smile then but it makes me cry now because he is going to be my husband."  
  
"So what does that mean?"  
  
"It means that as long as Niles is there and we are becoming husband and wife, I don't need anything else. Our union is what's important, not the dresses, flowers or the cake. What does that really have to do with love anyway? That stuff only lasts for a second. Dresses get torn and fade, flowers die and Eddie would probably eat the cake anyway. True love lasts forever. If you're lucky enough to find it, celebrate that."  
  
"I never knew love could be that wonderful," she said.  
  
"Neither did I. Love is blind Roz, it really truly is. When you find it and I know you will, you have to promise me that you'll take a hold of it with both hands and never let go. Don't let it slip through your fingers. I almost did and had I, I know I would have missed out on the greatest experience of my life. Had I not done what I did yesterday, Niles Crane would have slowly slipped out of my life."  
  
"That would have killed you, wouldn't it," she asked.  
  
"Eventually. I've only recently come to realize how dependent I am on him. I need him. He lets me be me and he loves who I am."  
  
"I'm glad you found what you've been looking for all of your life," she said squeezing my hand.  
  
"I think I'm going to spend the rest of my life wondering what I did to deserve his love. Whatever the answer may be, I'm going to love him forever. I'm going to make him happy. Niles deserves to be happy."  
  
Roz smiled at me and we sat together just a little while longer before she asked what I was still doing here.  
  
"He's waiting." She said.  
  
And on that note, I walked out of Café Nervosa and into a whole new world. A world where dreams really do come true. 


	11. Epilogue

Epilogue  
  
  
  
"And the kids found it," he asked.  
  
"Kaitlyn found it," I said, "but they all read it."  
  
"All four of them," he asked.  
  
"Well, the girls did," I said, "your son, from what the girls tell me, read the first few lines and the last few lines."  
  
"Bypassed everything in between," he said with a laugh.  
  
"To sappy for him I think," I said.  
  
"Hannah said that the first words out of Landon's mouth were "oh geez,"" I said, "he reminds of your father some times."  
  
"What else did he say," my husband asked.  
  
"Are you sure Mom didn't write this and Dad just signed his name on it," I said, "I'm not sure that Hannah completely understands what it means though."  
  
"I'm amazed that she read it at all," he said.  
  
"Niles, you know she has to be a part of anything her big sisters do," I said.  
  
"If I tell you something about that letter," he asked timidly, "do you promise you won't get mad?"  
  
"As long as you're not going to tell me that there's another Daphne on this planet that you're in love with," I said.  
  
"Of course not," he said, "it's just that, well honey, I never thought you would see that letter."  
  
"I know, you told me that once before," I asked.  
  
"I never told you how you must of gotten it though." He said.  
  
"Okay," I said.  
  
"I wrote it more for myself," he said, "I knew that you were out of my reach and I thought that if I wrote the letter, it might give me some sort of closure. I knew that no matter where life would take me, my feelings for you would never change and I had kept those feelings inside me for so long. I just needed to let them all out. I heard that song and every word reminded me of the love I have for you. So I wrote the letter. On paper I wasn't the coward we all knew me to be. But I had no idea that it would find it's way to you. I carried it with me for quite some time. The only thing I can think of is that it somehow managed to finds its way into a pile of unsent mail on my desk. It had your name on it so I'm assuming Mrs. Woodson assumed that it needed to be addressed and mailed."  
  
"Well I got it and here we are," I said kissing him.  
  
"Yes we are," he responded, "I love you."  
  
"I love you too," I said as we sank back into the pillows.  
  
We still make out like a couple of randy teenagers. Our daughters, the romance novel queens, think it's adorable. Our son on the other hand, if he happens to walk in on us kissing, he walks right back out of the room almost as quickly as he entered.  
  
"Can I ask you something," my husband said when we finally came up for air.  
  
"Sure," I said pulling him to where he was lightly lying on top of me.  
  
"If that letter never existed, would you have still.," he said trailing a bit.  
  
"I'll tell you something about that letter," I said brushing his hair from his forehead. The years have aged my husband well. He's as handsome as he was all of those years ago when we first shook hands.  
  
"That letter just confirmed everything I already knew. I was in love with you way before the letter arrived in the mail. I also knew that at some point whether it be before I married that man or after, it was going to end. It was over before it really ever started. I spent so much of my time with him thinking of you. There is no on this magnificent planet that could even begin to fill your place in my heart.  
  
I thought about all of the things we shared together and all of the things I wanted to share with you. More and more I realized that there were things about myself that I could never tell him. Then I realized they were the same things I had already told you. I told you without even realizing I had done so. That's how much I needed you in my life. I needed you to tell my secrets to."  
  
"So I'm like your diary of sorts," he said.  
  
"That's one way of putting it. You're actually better than a diary," I said, "Niles, whether or not I had received that letter, I was in love with you. I knew I would find my way to you, I was sure of that. Waiting so long to do something about it, well that was my fault. I got scared that maybe you didn't want me anymore."  
  
"Darling, that could never.," he said.  
  
"I know that. I knew that but that didn't stop me from being scared," I said, "loving someone so much, at first it is a bit scary. And the situation we were in scared me to death. Your letter, your words made everything okay," I said. "With or without it, you are the man that I love. You're the man that I'm lost without."  
  
"I'm certainly glad to hear that," he said, "I'm sure our kids would be too."  
  
"There's so much of you in them. Some things are just so visible. Others are little subtle things that make me smile when I notice them. It makes the time while you're at work a little more bearable when I can see you in our children. There's always part of you around, even if the entirety isn't."  
  
"I feel the same way. Some times I'll just sit and watch Kaitlyn piddle and it sends me back several years to the time when I would just sit back and watch you do the same. You didn't realize it, she doesn't realize it. You two have a lot in common."  
  
"Landon is a wizard in the kitchen. Just like you are and I'm quite certain Miss Hannah has medical school in her future. Your son is quite clumsy and burned his finger the other day, she wasted no time in treating it."  
  
"Yes well, she has one up on me then," he said, "blood doesn't make her faint."  
  
"Yes she does," I said. I began to think about our oldest at this point in time. She's the perfect combination of the two of us.  
  
"She is," he said knowing exactly what I was thinking, "right down to the allergies and the romance novels."  
  
"Reading is good for them," I said defending those stupid novels. They're not the best things for the girls to read, but I'd rather them read those books, than not read at all, "Even if it's not the classics. It gives them open minds and sadly, it makes it easier to talk about certain things with them."  
  
"You know, if it weren't for your insistence on keeping those silly novels," he said, "our letter might have been lost forever."  
  
"That's true," I said, "But I'll love you forever so even if it had been lost, we would still be here now."  
  
"I guess I should have paid more attention to your visions back then," he said.  
  
"Yes you should have," I said kissing him.  
  
"Especially now that most of them have come true," he said.  
  
"Most of them? What do you mean most of them," I said.  
  
"We don't have any grandchildren yet," he said.  
  
"I certainly hope not, my babies are too young to have babies," I said. "But you're right, that's the only one that hasn't come true. I can't wait to watch you chase them on the beach. I mean I can and I will."  
  
"Thank god for that," he said. He's quite protective of the girls. If he had his way, they would live under our roof forever.  
  
"You know what Dr. Crane," I said, "I think we've done enough talking for one night. I think we've got a huge tub filled with bubbles calling our names."  
  
"You really are psychic," he said kissing my nose, "I was just thinking the same thing."  
  
"You know, if we stop thinking," I said throwing the blankets off of us, "the sooner we'll actually get to that bath."  
  
"How right you are Mrs. Crane," he said swooping me up in his arms.  
  
As we're making our way toward our bathroom, the faint sound of the piano begins to fill our room. Stopping in our tracks, we instantly recognized the music as our song.  
  
Niles set me down and took my hand. Together we walk down the stairs to the great room where our piano is located.  
  
"Shhh," my husband said to me as we approached the room.  
  
We know who's playing the piano. Only two of the kids can play, and Hannah is just beginning to learn.  
  
Poking our heads around the corner, we find Avery sitting on the piano bench. Only a candle is lighting her view of the sheet music.  
  
"That's our baby," my husband whispered to me.  
  
"I know," I said. I never imagined that our daughter would one day be playing our song.  
  
"I just wanted to hear it," she said quietly.  
  
Avery is a lot like me in that she believes in love and she's a lot like her father in the fact that when she meets the right person, she won't be able to think about another. She's the little girl in my vision. She is the symbol of our union. She is us. And now, I think she believes.  
  
"I just wanted to hear it." 


End file.
